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On Air

On Air

You said the enemy got between us. 

I think the enemy is the voice in your head about us. 

The voice in your heart knows God makes no mistakes. 

You nurture the doubt long enough it will get louder than your heartbeat that is in rhythm with mine. You once told me you could read my mind, in fact you said you'd put your last dime on it. Thank God, I know that a last does not exist because I am ahead, and not behind your impulsive decisions, Aries. You wanted help with saving, I have saved the love in me for you, about you. Made it my business for God to cover you on your bad days, and in my shortcomings, knowing how to face them despite myself. Cus I love you, despite yourself.

What you did not consider is what I felt. What I heard. What I saw, before I thought. How they all were able to cancel out any negative thought, and ego that could position me to be at war toward you. We fought the same fight, but our differences got in the way of fighting together. Was it our difference, "twin"? Or was it a perfect imbalance we both never knew but needed space to learn within, and about each other. Since you know my thoughts, you would know I am writing this for your peace of mind. I feel closer to you this way anyway. We joked about Pen Pals but it is giving more, Words of Affirmation in the language of love, intimately, to me. You need them when you get in your head too much. Even more, just because I think you deserve it. I have never been afraid to tell you, and that is what made accepting what is easy, so hard with me. An Easy LoveYou wrote about it, and I listened to every story that imprinted but never chipped away the love inside you, able to be loved. Worthy of more than just love. I still look at you the same. Except, more compassionately than I did before. You held a mirror up to me, I realized everything I needed to see in me, I could see in you. It took me months to figure out why I could not let the thought of "figuring it out" go, until I fully surrendered to God's narrationCommunication, the thing that brought me the closest to you, was also the thing that kept me so far away from you. Our backs turned, but my heart never left the place I grew to love you in your imperfections. 

How? God. Why? We deserve Good Love , the 365 days of the year kind we appreciated in different coasts. I don't know the perfect words, or the perfect thing to do because anything I can say, or do requires us meeting beyond love. I waited on you to catch UP, and eventually I realized I was losing myself trying to build with you. Laying a foundation, the kind that only taught you how weak my boundaries were when it came to you. I changed since then, but I'll never change on you. I loved you then, I love you now, just differently. I have adjusted to this flow of letting go, and knowing Ima always be the One. We just may never meet in one, and have the same world together! It happens. Nobody can ever try you, but you can stand in your own way. The only thing I would tell you now is what I do when I think of you, 

Let love lead, peace keep, abundance attract the chase. Let go of the challenge, I know it is something that you have trained yourself to overcome, but love is not a fight it is a flow. The same reason we drifted into each others lives. I Facetimed you to read you this letter, and show you my thoughts before the world, but you missed my call. A couple of em', but I'll let God dial on my behalf for it to get to you. I'll leave you with this , Monet. 

You are wise beyond your years, grandma! We laughed about that and I even joked on your taste in flowers but I would take those any day. I grew to love them, and adore you love fresh flowers, like me. There is a garden in my heart for you. Anyway, 

You are talented beyond the scope of the machine, capable of overcoming any circumstance you are put up against. You are natural, you are a natural, and it is the reason you are who you are. The giant in your soul is bigger than the giant in your head. No thing stands a chance against you, listen to the universe show you that. Keep going, never put down the pen but continue to keep putting down the trauma. Continue to keep choosing more, even if it means the world you build is the freedom you created from what you leave behind. Nothing lost is yours. What is, you can always hold on to. There is always more, and there is enough God in you that'll help, defend, and carry what you love too. It is never goodbye, I'll see you again, only this time... you'll see yourself. In the fullness I see you. "You inspire me to be so strong." I'd add "with you" to complete the line. To be seen is to be felt, to a lifetime of feeling me. 
Give em' hell. 

Dance on a yellow moon with you next time. 

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Feel Your Way Through

Feel Your Way Through

November 19th

November 19th